


The One Adventure I Can Never Have

by hbj01



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:38:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9280277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hbj01/pseuds/hbj01
Summary: Set during 'Amy's Choice' in Season Five. The Doctor calls Rory and Amy's life in the village slow and dull in a fit of anger so the Dream Lord comes to remind him of the woman he once wanted that dull life with.





	1. Chapter 1

The Doctor closed his eyes and tried to breath. He hated this small village. He absolutely hated it. It was obviously Rory’s dream this...boring, dull life. The Tardis was his life. Running was his life. Who was this Dream Lord anyway? What did he want? Why was he doing this to him to them? The Doctor paced back and forth, the questions swirling in his head. 

“So, come on, let's think. The mechanics of this reality split we're stuck in. Time asleep exactly matches time in our dream world, unlike in conventional dreams,” the Doctor said out loud to Rory and a  very pregnant Amy. 

“And we’re all having the same dream at the same time,” Rory confirmed. 

“Yes, sort of communal trance. Very rare, very complicated. I'm sure there's a dream giveaway, a tell, but my mind isn't working because this village is so dull! I'm slowing down, like you two have,” he exclaimed in anger. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take this frustration, this uncertainty. He hated this village!

“Oh now Doctor,” someone said from behind them. “Why say things that you don’t really mean?” The three time travelers turned to see the Dream Lord leaning with a black, slick cane with a round gold top. He wore a dark blue suit and a devious smirk on his face that gave the Doctor chills.

“Why lie to them, Doctor? Isn’t this the life you once wanted,” he said mockingly. “Wife, baby, the peaceful life.” 

“What are you talking about,” the Doctor growled at him. The Dream Lord took a step towards him. His face broke into anger.

“Do you remember her Doctor? Do you remember the girl that you wanted all of this with? The girl that you would give up everything for?” 

“Doctor, what’s he talking about,” Amy interrupted. The Doctor turned white as a sheet. He stood with his fists clenched, staring at the ground.

“Oh Amy,” the Dream Lord said. He stuck out his lower lip “You think you know him don’t you? Think he tells you eeeeverything.” He turned towards the Doctor. “Did you tell her Doctor? Tell your companions about your past? Does Amy know what happened just moments before you met her?” 

“Doctor?” Amy’s eyes widened. 

“Just shut up,” the Doctor hissed. 

“Didn’t you call this life...Oh what was it now...” He smirked. “The one adventure you could never have.” 

“That’s enough.” The Doctor’s face looked pained as if the memories were crashing over him.

“Do you remember her Doctor? The pink and yellow human that brought you back to life? Should I say her name,” he teased. The Doctor’s fists starting shaking.

“I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH!” Rory wrapped his arm around Amy and pulled her back. The Doctor covered his face with his hand. The Dream Lord giggled mischievously.

“Ooo struck a cord,” he said as he twirled around the Doctor, flipping his cane in the air. Amy had never seen the Doctor this angry before. She was almost scared of him.

“Well,” the Dream Lord continued. “I should go. Just thought I would call you out on your bluff. You have a mystery to solve after all.” And then he was gone. Amy shook Rory off her and approached the Doctor. His hands were covering his face as he slowly crumpled down to his knees. She placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Doctor,” she whispered. “Do you want to explain what that was about?” The Doctor gently shook his head. The sound of birds filled their heads.

“Oh, no. Here we go,” Amy said as the three of them fell asleep.

~ The Tardis ~ 

When they awoke Amy immediately felt a chill in the air. As she let out a long breath that she could see it before her.

“It’s really cold. Have you got any warm clothing,” she asked the Doctor. 

“What does it matter if we're cold? We have to know what Mrs. Poggit is up to.” He paused. “Sorry, sorry. There should be some stuff down there. Have a look.” The Doctor completely ignored the previous encounter with the Dream Lord. Amy thought it best not to mention it either. It wasn’t the time. 

“Doctor?” Amy and Rory stopped in their tracks. They slowly turned around to see a young woman standing on the other side of the Tardis. She had short blond hair and wore a blue leather jacket and tight black pants. She smiled sweetly at the Doctor with her tongue in between her teeth. 

“Doctor,” she said again. The Doctor was unmoving at the consol. Even when Rory and Amy approached him, his eyes never left her. Amy watched his blank expression. He looked as if he was in a trance. 

“Who are you,” Rory asked. The woman didn’t look at him. She walked up to the console, putting her hands on it. 

“Where should we go today,” she asked in a thick cockney accent. The Doctor’s eyes darkened.

“This isn’t real. You’re not real,” he said under his breath. She scrunched her eyebrows together, looking at him with concern.

“What are you talking about? Are you alright?” She started to walk about the consol. “Doctor?” Against his will, the Doctor found himself approaching her until they were face to face. 

“What’s wrong,” she said to him, giving him that compassionate expression that she always used to give him. The Doctor’s eyes welled with tears as he looked at her. It’s been so long. She was as beautiful as he remembered. He slowly lifted his hand and stroked down her cheek with the back of his fingers. 

“Rose,” he whispered as a tear went down his cheek. She smiled at him.

“Course it’s me,” she said as she gave him a smile. She reached her hand forward and gently took his hand in hers. His eyebrows scrunched together as he let out an angry growl. He threw her hand away as if her touch burned him.

“You aren’t my Rose,” he yelled at her. “I know what her hand feels like in mine.” He turned his head towards the sky. “Stop this now!” 

The Dream Lord appeared behind Rose, laughing to himself.

“Sorry.” He let out a snort of delight. “I just couldn’t help myself.” He snapped his fingers and Rose disappeared. His face suddenly changed from amusement to anger. 

“How could you,” he spat at the Doctor. “How could you do that to her.” The Doctor turned his head away, letting the tears of pain and guilt fall. The Dream Lord cracked a smile and clapped his hands together, turning towards Rory and Amy. 

“Sorry about that. Not really about you two that was.” Amy looked at the Doctor as he stood there in defeat. Her heart broke for him. “You guys have bigger things to worry about. It’s getting rather cold in here isn’t it,” he said as he disappeared. The moment he was gone the Doctor let out a breath of anger as he wiped his hands over his face. He turned away from Rory and Amy for a moment, putting his hands in his hair. He spun and slammed his hands on the console as hard as he could, creating a large echo throughout the Tardis. Amy and Rory jumped back.

“Go get the warmer clothes,” he said to them in a low voice. Silently Rory and Amy continued their way down the stairs, leaving the Doctor alone with his thoughts. 


	2. Aftermath

The Doctor took them all back to the void after their cool-down adventure from the dream debacle. The Doctor looked worn out. He paced around the console, gliding his hand along it. 

“I need to fix a few things in the Tardis. You guys can go to bed,” he said to them with a small smile.

“Okay,” Rory yawned. “I’m exhausted.” The Doctor walked down the stairs.

“Goodnight,” he said as he went. Rory turned towards the hallway.

“You coming to bed Amy?” Amy was looking after the Doctor. She turned to face Rory.

“I’m going to talk to the Doctor for a bit. I’ll be in later.”

“About that girl,” Rory asked, knowingly. Amy nodded. 

“I’ve never seen him so upset. I’m going to see if he wants to talk about it.” Rory leaned forward and gave Amy a gentle kiss.

“Goodnight love,” he said as he left the consol.

“I’ll be there soon,” Amy promised. With those words she slowly went down the stairs. The Doctor was already wrapped up in several wires, his goggles on his face. He swung from his little chair, humming to himself. Amy sat on the last step, watching him.

“Hello Amy,” the Doctor said after a few minutes.

“Hi,” she greeted him.

“Alright, what’s up,” he asked without looking at her. Amy shrugged even though the Doctor wasn't looking at her.

“Nothing. Just not tired yet. Thought I would hang out for a bit.” The Doctor stopped. He turned his head to look at her, giving her a knowing look.

“No you’re not,” he accused. “Just say what you want to say Amy.” He went back to his work. Amy pursed her lips, weary about how to continue.

“I just want to be here in case you want to talk.”

“Talk about what,” he said nonchalantly.

“You know what,” she answered immediately. The Doctor let out a long sigh. He sat up, putting down his tools and looked at Amy. He swung his feet gently.

“I’ve never seen you so upset,” she told him. He nodded.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“I’m not,” she answered. “I thought I knew you so well. But seeing you like that  showed me that I don’t. Just like the Dream Lord said.”

“Amy,” the Doctor said, shaking his head. “You do know me.” 

“Do I?” The Doctor turned his head, unable to look at her. 

“Who was she,” Amy asked in a small voice. The Doctor pulled the goggles off of his head. He put his face in his hands for a moment, rubbing his palms to his forehead.

“Her name was Rose,” he said with more emotion in his voice than he wanted.  

“And she means alot to you?” He nodded, smiling slightly.

“She does.” Amy watched him. She saw the memories flash before his eyes. 

“We met a long time ago. I blew up her job, held her hand and told her to run.” He paused. “Such a long time ago, but it feels like yesterday. She traveled with me. We were...we were together.” Amy raised her eyebrows.

“Like together? Together?” He looked at her.

“When I met her I was in such a dark place. She...she brought be back to life. She was so compassionate, gentle, funny, and completely brilliant. My Rose.” He paused, smiling at the memory of her. “She had this smile that…She knew exactly how to cheer me up, how to make me happy. She showed me how beautiful life can be. She saved my life, more than once I might add. She was fearless. She went to the ends of the universe to save me.” He stopped, closing his eyes.

“What happened to her,” Amy asked. He opened his eyes. They were almost black. His jaw tensed.

“We were torn apart.” He looked at Amy, anger in his eyes. “She was trapped in the parallel world. She promised to stay with me forever. And because of me she was trapped.” He hung his head, letting out deep breaths. “But she found her way back to me. My brilliant Rose. But things got worse...There was a war. This horrible war.” A tear slid down his unblinking eye. “Things got complicated. I…” He let in a sharp breath. “I abandoned her, left her back in that parallel world. But I had to!” He sucked in a shaking breath. “I had to,” he whispered.  He looked up at Amy, tears in his eyes. “She deserved to live her life. She deserved a wonderful life. I couldn’t give that to her.” He closed his eyes, putting his face in his hands. “But he could,” he whispered to himself so Amy couldn’t hear. “Now she’s gone.” 

Amy realized she wasn’t breathing and let out a deep breath. She closed her eyes, frustrated with herself that she couldn’t comprehend the Doctor’s pain. 

“Doctor, I’m...I’m so sorry,” she whispered to him. He looked up at her, shoving down the tears. 

“Thank you Amy,” he said with a small smile.

“Did you love her,” Amy suddenly asked. The Doctor smiled to himself.

“I do.” 

After they said their goodnights Amy went back to her and Rory’s room. Rory was laying on his side of the bed, a book in his hands.

“Hey,” he said as she walked in. Rory looked up from his book and smiled at her. Amy climbed in the bed, putting her head on Rory’s chest. Rory’s arm immediately went around her, holding her to him. He kissed the top of her head. 

“How’s the Doctor,” he asked. Amy felt tears well in her eyes.

“Not great.” 

“Who was she,” Rory asked. Amy tilted up her head to look at him.

“She used to travel with him a long time ago and he was in love with her. He lost her. She’s gone.” She paused. “He’s heartbroken.” Rory let out a sad sigh, closing his eyes.

“Poor Doctor. I can’t even imagine.” Amy felt a tear drip down her cheek.

“I thought you were dead Rory.” She let out a shaking breath, letting the rest of her tears fall. “I watched you die. It was only for a little while but it was...it was the most painful thing…” 

“Amy,” Rory whispered as he lifted his hand to caress her cheek. He wiped one of her tears with his thumb.

“But the Doctor actually lost her. If he feels anything like I felt when I lost you then...then I don’t know how he lives with it. He looked like a piece of him was dead, Rory.” She sniffled, letting out a small sob. “My heart just breaks for him.” Rory leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. 

“I know,” he whispered. “Me too.” He pressed his cheek into her hair, nuzzling her head.

“I love you Amy,” he told her. “I couldn’t imagine losing you.” Amy wrapped her arm around him, trying to be closer to him then she already was.

“I love you Rory. I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner.”

“The Doctor’s going to be okay,” he said. “He has you...he has us to take care of him. He’s going to be alright.” Amy nodded, feeling her eyelids droop. 

“He’s going to be alright,” she confirmed. 

Back in the console room the Doctor was tinkering away again at the Tardis. He couldn’t push Rose from his mind. Every time he closed his eyes he heard her laugh. His hand tingled with the memory of holding her hand. The Doctor stopped moving and closed his eyes for a moment. He put his hand in his jacket pocket and pulled out a small photograph. There he saw Rose Tyler's signature smile. The photo was of his tenth form and her. They had their arms wrapped around each other, but they weren’t looking at the camera. They were smiling at one another, their cheeks flushed with laughter. Rose had so much light in her eyes. The Doctor remembered taking that picture. She felt so warm in his arms. He caressed her image with his thumb.

“Rose Tyler...I love you,” he whispered into the emptiness around him, hoping that wherever she was, she knew it was true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading


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